Life and this journey we are on is teaching me so much and the resonant lesson of the moment is about ambition. I've always had an ambitious life but I've never had such a clearly articulated longterm goal - to open a retreat centre for our work. This ambition has brought a beauty to this ride. A clarity of direction even though we still don't know where or when this ride will finish. It brings a sense of wider purpose. A container for all the things that are happening along the way because they are on the way to a particular goal.
Having an ambition gives me the opportunity to practice manifestation. To open this desire to possibility and then probability as we feel our way forward, unclear of the process but trusting the direction we continue to follow.
But ambition has a shadow.
It can feel like a weight. The weight of expectation (Are we there yet?). The fear of failure (Why did we tell everyone about our plans?). The heaviness where reality meets ambition and dreams have spreadsheets, costs, planning approval, insurances...
This shadow side is full of vulnerability. We're reaching for something we may not achieve. We may fail, publicly. But my greatest fear? We open our retreat centre but we feel empty having lost ourselves along the way.
We are on this ride in relationship, with different seasons to our triggers and vulnerabilities. One of us needing to think big and reconnect with the dream when the other needs the reassurance of talking about the smaller stuff, the practical, that spreadsheet.
Life is teaching me all of this as I try to find my way of balancing between the dream and the shadow. It is beautiful to dream big. It makes me feel alive. I feel the universe smiling at me. But at times it can also feel like a weight around my neck. There are times when this dream feels fully about my soul and there are times when my ego and its fears have taken control.
My task is to feel into all of this and find my balance. To know when there are lessons in the shadow. To know when I'm running away from reality in my dreams. To know when it's time to let go of a path I thought I was on, trusting that there are many routes to this particular destination and maybe the universe wants us to explore more of them.
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Stories from a journey towards a different kind of activism