We are surrounded by the flow of water. It falls from the sky. It rises from the ground. It creates brooks, streams and rivers running to the sea. The sound of this activity is everywhere. Bubbling, gushing, occasionally roaring. We are living in the flow. The place of the present moment, made possible by the past, stretching into the future, but all about the now.
When I thought about these first few weeks before we started travelling, I felt that they would be a moment of stepping back and noticing what emerges. Preparing for the trip hadn't been a moment in time when I'd felt spacious. But the trip itself has always felt loose, open, an empty canvas for things to emerge on. Now that I'm here what what has emerged so far is this flow.
My role here is to trust. I've chosen these waters. Now I need to ride them. If you've completed our online retreat 'How do people heal from trauma?' you'll know that trust is part of the healing (and growing) process. Trusting the process as you find yourself in familiar difficult terrain. Trusting the unfamiliar if you've chosen to step outside of your comfort zone.
Balanced against the trust is my anxiety. I've only had one early-hours moment of 'What the hell have we done?'. In that moment the ground felt less firm, when I tried to stand on it I found nothing there to bare my weight. But that's because I'm in the water now. There is no firm footing, just a steady changing awareness of the direction I'm being pulled in. And whilst I might try to grasp a sense of security by believing I know the direction we're heading in, the truth is I haven't followed this river before and I can't be too sure where it goes. My only security is to know that I'm in the water, flowing in its currents, and as I pass these places and spend these days I should celebrate them as if I won't flow this way again.
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